Do you ever find yourself feeling guilty about saying no things, whether it be with friends, family, or work? Today’s society is great at making us feel like we are deficient or selfish when we need to take a step back from productivity or engagement to recharge. I’ve learned that selfishness does not always have to be negative, and it is not the same as being self-centered. Sometimes, it is 100% necessary for us to place more structured boundaries in our lives so that we can function. To be cliche, we can’t pour from an empty cup. How you refill yours is unique to what your needs are.

For me, I find the need to pull back socially when things get overwhelming. This is true for me for a couple of reasons: 1. it’s just in line with my personality type, and 2. my chronic health conditions make it so I have less capacity when stress flares. At my core, I am an introvert and, therefore, have a very innate need to recover from social interaction. This is only amplified when there is any type of stressor that it introduced. Let’s talk a little more about what I mean about personality type, including my proclivity towards introversion.

Personality Types

Do you know your personality type? I personally love and ascribe to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which is a kind of self-help assessment that can help you gain some insights into your personality, how your work, how you learn, and how you relate to others. There are sixteen different personality archetypes based upon the different combinations of four dichotomies of your attitudes, functions, and lifestyle preferences: extraversion/introversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perception (Reynierse, 2009). For a more in-depth, easy to digest look at the history, foundation, and applications of the MBTI, check out the Wikipedia article here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers%E2%80%93Briggs_Type_Indicator.

My personal favorite site to find out your MBTI type and gain some insights is through 16 Personalities’ free personality test, found here: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. My person MBTI type is considered the Mediator – introverted, intuitive, feeling, and prospecting (INFP). One of the passage’s in the 16 Personalities’ deep dive into my personality type and friendships that I truly identify with is as follows:

“Although Mediators value their friendships, they also need personal space and alone time in order to recharge. At times, people with this personality type may withdraw from even their closest friends in order to reconnect with themselves and restore their energy, as all Introverts must. These departures are usually temporary, but Mediators may need to make sure that their friends don’t feel snubbed by their absence.”

BOY OH BOY do I feel that.

In fact, I’ve had to pull back while trying to write this very post. The past few months have been a lot, to say the least. This blog is something that is a passion project for me, but even my passion projects have needed to be placed on the back burner while I’ve been navigating a busy season in life. Over the past few months, my fiance and I have continued to plan our wedding, bought our dream house, and have dealt with all of the expected (and unexpected) labors of moving and getting our home move-in ready. Sprinkle in the holidays and much appreciated trip to Texas to visit my soon-to-be in-laws, and we have just been going non-stop. That’s left very little time for and energy for me. As result, I’ve noticed that I really have pulled into myself, haven’t been as social as usual, and I’ve taken a lot of time just to engage in basic self-care to prevent myself from spiraling or triggering my chronic health conditions.

AND THAT IS OKAY.

Self-Care is MANDATORY When you Have Chronic Health Conditions

I am a person who lives with some health and mental health conditions, all of which can be triggered when stress runs high. For transparency’s sake, I am diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea, fibromyalgia, major depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. If I am not diligent about exercising 2-5 times a week, eating *mostly* well (thank you, Mediterranean diet), getting 8 or more hours of sleep, taking my medications, or taking time process big, stressful events, then my body MAKES me take a time out. I will either be too anxious, too depressed, or in too much physical pain to do anything, and that isn’t good for me or my loved ones. It is far kinder to everyone, myself included, if I am proactively taking care of myself and not overextending.

It’s Okay to Take Care of You

I had some grand ideas for this post, some of which I’ve executed, but some which I’ll just have to save for another post on another day. However, I hope you take this away from my post – Self-care is not being self-centered. If stepping back means preserving your peace, health, energy, and relationships, then by all means do it! At the end of the day, your self-care may look different from mine based upon your health and personality. I encourage you to learn more about yourself if what works for me doesn’t resonate for you. Maybe the MBTI can help you like it has helped me!

Drop a comment and share what your self-care looks like.

Thanks for tuning in!
-Kristen

References:

Reynierse, James H. (2009). “The Case Against Type Dynamics”. Journal of Psychological Type. 69 (1): 1–20. Archived from the original on 2017-12-30. Retrieved 2023-10-23.