Content Warning: Before reading this post, be advised there is mention of suicide. If you or a loved one are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please call the Suicide & Crisis LifeLine at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK(8255). You can also text 988 for chat support or receive further resources on their website: https://988lifeline.org/

Why Am I Blogging About Burnout?

Recently, I went to watch my fiancé speak at a conference in Franklin, Tennessee which is just outside of Nashville. This was the first time that I was getting to see him speak in a professional manner, which was such a treat, but the conference was also special because it married the two of our professions – marketing and mental health.

I came out of The Mental Health Marketing Conference with so much more vigor for my field. It was actually what sparked my fire to go ahead and start this blog! One particular session that resonated with me was a small, prenote session on the prevention and recovery from burnout and compassion fatigue.

Burnout has been a topic that has been talked about a lot in recent years, especially during and on the heels of the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the articles and posts of healthcare workers and other essential workers sharing their experiences of running themselves into the ground, struggling with physical and mental health concerns resulting from the high-stress and relentless environments they were finding themselves working in.

Those anecdotes frequently lead to discussions of the importance of mental health treatment, work-life balance, seeking support, and evaluating your options at your place of employment or elsewhere. But what on earth happens when you’re the mental health professional, and YOU are the one who is experiencing burnout?! While I can’t speak for everyone, I can speak for my own recent experience with burnout, how I recognized the signs, and how I have been clawing my way out to other side.

Setting the Stage – My Personal Burnout Story

My burnout story began in my first position after I graduated with my master’s in social work (MSW). Just about a month after graduation, I began working as a crisis clinician in the phone department of my local crisis agency. The job itself was honestly not where I thought I wanted to go within the mental health field, as I really thought I would end up working with adolescents and those on the autism spectrum long-term, but that’s another story for another day. Once I started, I would go on to be be trained and precepted by the most amazing clinician, who to this day is one of my dearest friends and largest mentors in my career. She helped instill confidence in my clinical skills and ultimately helped me to fall in love with crisis work.

Over the next few years, I really grew to love working in crisis. It brought such a sense of fulfillment and honor to be able to sit with people, figuratively and literally, in some of their darkest moments. I began to be unable to see my professional trajectory going in any other direction than within crisis management. Eventually, I cross trained in each department at the facility I worked at and worked my way up into a clinical supervisor role after four years. And that was the beginning of the end. Okay, maybe I’m being dramatic, but it was definitely the time I can point to where things really started to lead to my burnout.

The day I became a supervisor coincided with the start of COVID-19 shut downs. This meant changes in the world at large and changes in protocols for my very essential organization. It was honestly trial by fire, because things were rapidly changing by the week, day, hour, and minute. Not only was I learning how to run the day-to-day operations of an agency predicated on crisis, but I was also having to learn how to adapt it to meet the ever changing guidelines of our broader healthcare organization, local government, and the CDC while trying to keep my clients, staff, family, and self safe from a virus I knew very little about.

Once I was fully up and running as a supervisor, I began working steady overnights, BY CHOICE, so that I could have the most consistent schedule for myself. I thought that by having some regularity, I would help prevent the burnout that I’m here telling you about today. Working overnights may have meant a consistent schedule, but it also meant being the only administrative staff member in the building for most, if not all of my shift. That meant that I was the one to handle to brunt of situations that arose at my facility, and with my staff in the community, from a clinical and physical standpoint. While we had a higher administrator and psychiatrist or psychiatric CRNP on call to consult, it can be a lot to be the one individual physically present to consult with and to help diffuse escalated situations. Those consultations often included helping to solidify safety plans for clients that have expressed thoughts or plans of self-harm or suicide.

Content Warning: Suicide Mention – Relatively early on in my time as a clinical supervisor, I experienced the loss of a client to suicide. Despite having worked there for four years, I had never experienced the loss of a client that I had direct contact with until that time. While my staff and I thoroughly assessed and safety planned with this individual, even consulting the on-call psychiatrist, it was not enough. That night when I returned to work and learned of this person’s suicide, I was absolutely gutted. Even though I knew I did everything I could for this person, I felt like I had absolutely failed them in every way possible. I still do feel that way at times, even though I have worked with a therapist, my professional colleagues, and my personal supports to process that over the years. Still, the trauma of that death forever changed me and was a huge contributor to my burnout.

After that loss, I went on to continue working where I did for about a year and nine months. About two months later, I met and began dating my now fiancé, who was and still is, a bright light in my life. I’m not entirely sure that I would have ever fully recognized or admitted that I was entering burnout without him. Even as a well-educated mental health professional, I missed (and definitely ignored) so many obvious signs. Being the kind human my fiancé is, he would point these things out to me over time.

How Did I Know I Was Experiencing Burnout?

As I mentioned, the signs were there, but it really took having someone looking from the outside in for me to really accept that what I was experiencing was burnout. While my fiancé, Andy, and I were just starting out in our relationship, we had a lot of conversations that lead me to see that where I was, no matter how much I loved it, just was not healthy for me. As someone who took immense pride in what I did, that was a very bitter pill to swallow and come to accept.

One of the biggest red flags that Andy pointed out to me very early on had to do with my levels of exhaustion. I would work long stretches of nights, typically 4-6 days on, with long stretches off. This was afforded to me for taking on the least desirable shift. Despite this, I would be dead tired 24/7. No amount of sleep would make me alert or able to enjoy my time off with my loved ones in a meaningful way. All I wanted to do was sleep. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the impact that has on a relationship. This also triggered constant flare ups of my chronic illness, fibromyalgia, which exhaustion is a large component of.

I was finding myself needing to increase my medication frequency and dosage just to keep my symptoms at a tolerable level. This wasn’t limited to my fibromyalgia. I also found myself desperately reaching out to my PCP, psychiatrist, and therapists to add medications, up dosages, and to keep myself from being in crisis. My anxiety was out of control. I was snapping out and more irritable than I had ever been. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep 24/7, but I couldn’t sleep to save my life. When I would have time off, Andy would ask me what hobbies I could do to bring myself joy. I didn’t even know how to answer that.

I was surviving, not thriving. But, I didn’t know how to get out of it. I made excuses for months, saying that if this or that would just get better, and I was sure they would, I would be fine. None of that happened. It didn’t get better. I was so in love with the idealized version of what I was doing, that I couldn’t let myself see that it wasn’t getting better. Then Andy and I began really talking about our future as a couple. We were talking about the serious things, moving in together, building a joint life. My job had no place in that picture. It would not let me have the freedoms we wanted to craft our dream life together. That’s when I accepted things for what they were and realized that I needed a job that would afford me the work/life balance that I needed to thrive. Fulfillment in what I was doing just wasn’t enough. I needed to have an identity beyond my profession.

How Did I Move Past Burnout?

Moving past burnout did not happen overnight. Infact, it’s still a process I’m seeing out over a year and half after leaving my job at the crisis center. Starting the process didn’t happen overnight either. For me, finding a new job was the first step to regaining my identity beyond my job. That was something that took time. I had started looking for different roles around September of 2021. I knew my next role still needed to fulfill me professionally but also allow me to have a more traditional schedule. I had to say goodbye to working weekends, evenings, nights, and more than eight-hour shifts. I applied for a few positions but passed on them, because they did not feel right in my heart of hearts.

Then, around New Year’s 2021-2022, while I was suffering through my first bout of COVID, my dear friend and mentor, Mary, who had trained me when I first started, reached out to me to tell me about an opening at her place of employment. She was, and still is, working for an employee assistance program (EAP) as a care manager. The position still had many similar elements to my times as a crisis clinician answering phones, but it was arguably less intense and had a traditions Monday-Friday 8:30am-5pm schedule. I think I was getting tested for COVID when she told me about it. I got home as quickly as I could an immediately applied. I interviewed, through video conference, while still very ill. My now supervisor and director were the kindest, coolest people I had meant, and I was set that this was the right place for me. I am beyond grateful that they felt the same thanks to my skill set and recommendation from my friend and mentor.

I started my position as an EAP care manager, working from home, at the end of February in 2022. Starting that position, while an amazing change of pace and exercise in healthy workplace boundaries, did not mean that my burnout just evaporated. That has been a long process. Since starting this position, I’ve found myself with so much more time to enjoy, but I didn’t know how to enjoy it. I’ve had to learn myself all over again. I’ve had to gradually ease myself back into things that I used to love, like reading for enjoyment, running and exercising, watching horror movies and Bar Rescue, and spending time doing outdoorsy activities. Those things have comes slowly. I didn’t start reading again until around Christmas time last year. I didn’t really start running again with any ounce of consistency until August of this year. But I am finding my joy and passion once more.

I credit Andy and Mary with helping me to claw my way out of that burnout pit. They have never once stopped supporting me in personal and professional goals. I credit my current supervisor and director. They are the most supportive and approachable bosses I have ever had. They are always checking in on the health and wellness of their staff, and that is huge. They also encourage very healthy workplace boundaries. Without those, I’d be a slave to my work. I also credit the therapist I saw through Lyra last year. She helped me to normalize and validate my experiences with burnout. She helped me to seperate out who I am versus who my burnout was turning me into. Most recently, I credit the Mental Health Marketing Conference. As I previously mentioned, that conference relit my passion for mental health. I left there wondering how I could do more in my field, and this blog is part of my answer.

To learn more about the conference, check out their website at https://www.mhmarketing.org/. You can also follow them on LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook.

Have You Experienced Burnout?

Drop a comment and share your experience with burnout and how you’ve moved past it.

Thanks for tuning in!
-Kristen